Tuesday, 21 February 2017

post for you, finally :)


hello lovelies!

wah lama gila tak tulis kat sini. I know nobody reads this blog, but I'm all good, emotionally and physically, I'm good. So I've missed a lot of things since I didn't write quite long. I couldn't write a really long post to tell you everything, malas la hahah!

But I couldn't ask too much from you,
I accept you for whatever you are. And I thanked you for accepting me, no matter how much you've seen me lacking in a lot of things. Maybe I'm bad in expressing what I feel in real life or in person, but I do, I do appreciate you in my life. And I'm sorry if you think I couldn't give you my best, because what I know is, I always put everything on my very best. What I can say is, of course I won't betray someone who really loves me, but I can't predict myself, a month later, 3 years later and so on. I don't want to break your heart, I don't want you to feel like what I've felt back then, how breaking was my heart when he broke his trust. It was fucking hurt as hell.

I cried like a dumb girl, I took almost a year to move on. And I was really dumb as hell, I wrote him a lot of letters, everytime I needed someone to talk. But as a good girl, after realizing how dumb I was, I threw all of those letters, I threw everything that reminds me of him. It was painful, but worth it, at least. It's okay la, sometimes I think positively, maybe he also regretted what he did to me? Maybe?? I assumed macam tu la. I don't want to hate anyone, I hate to live in hatred. At last, we stopped talking, mentions and all those shits la. At least I muted him on twitter so I don't need to read his tweets. At least I can forget la altho not completely. I just remembered how sweet he was back then, but after all, boys will always be boys, words are nothing but to sugarcoat everything, it was all lies.

Fuck.

But whatever, what's past, past. I don't live in that past anymore. And I realized that after someone betrayed us, it is so hard to believe again. So hard you knowwww until I rasa words are nothing. hahaha until I met this guy on twitter who was also in the same college with me. Kinda okay la........ I can see yang dia memang ikhlas, he doesn't value beauty? As aku pun takde la lawa mana??? He accepts me for whoever I am. I really hope he's the one, I don't want us to be wasted hehe.

But in case, I am the one who decide to go, I want you to keep on living and don't cry. Be a good man, like you always be. Be a man who I used to be proud of, because it makes you look outstanding, trust me. Don't ever feel down without me, keep on searching what you're looking for. I may not say this directly to you, but I feel proud of you in every aspects you've shown to me. Oh big boy, I can't even look straight into your eyes because it makes me lost all of my words to say to you. Thank you for your time and most importantly, thank you for coming into my life :) I can write again, just like I used to!! I really want to thank you for that part!! I promised to myself that I will make sure before my age reach 21, I already have my own book, that of course, it will be full of you, as I can only write for you!!!!!!!


So in case you read this, I want to tell you that you always make me smile :)

xxx,