Unspoken Thoughts


I hate being lonely, aku rasa macam slowly, I'm losing people around me. I know as we growing up, we might or we will surely lose people as not everyone will stay with us forever, but I think it's too early to lose people that used to be close with me. But somehow, I'm really glad it's over, I mean I don't need to face lectures in the afternoon where my mind would never be in the lecture hall, but it wanders around. And the result is, I gained nothing, such a waste.

High expectations usually disappoint me. That's why I never feel confident in any decisions I've made, whether in the examination or reality. Sometimes, the choice we made in our life can make us question the decisions we make before we even make them, and when our choice is wrong, we blame ourselves. Does it good to feel bad for making the decision we've made? What happen if we don't choose that path? What happen when we choose another path?

What happen if you marry your ex?
What happen if you marry someone you just met one week ago?
What happen if you don't make that choice?

Do we know the consequences for every choice we made? Nobody knows it. Nobody can predict the future, no one will know what will happen 5 minutes later. If only we can know the consequences for every choice we made, I would guarantee we will only looking forward for the easiest journey, no blood and tears, no difficulties, no argument, no heartbreak and all these negative sides that will make us feel pathetic for our own decision. When we make the wrong choice, we will blame ourselves for making that decision, "If only I don't go to the water park, things will not go wrong," "If only I...........," 

If only.

For every choice you make, the outcome will always be meaningful. Each path will always have its ups and downs and no particular path can lead up to sweet ending. For what I've been digesting from Mr Nobody (it's a movie, worth watching yall), no matter what path you take, you will surely meet your ending ; death. As a muslim, I also think the same thing, we, you and me may have different path of life, some might be good, some might be bitter, sour, tasteless, sweetest or whatever taste it is like, but surely, there's one thing that we are very sure of it, death. Everyone knows they will die but no one knows when is the time. And the thing is, death can be anywhere, anytime, and all of us want to end our life in a good way or khusnul khatimah. It scares me, when I die, I meet Allah with no good deeds. I'm really afraid after all of this time, He never look at me, He never hear my dua, Nauzubillah min zalik.

But above all, this is what we call qadhaa and qadar, which is the sixth pillars of iman. A muslim believes in Allah's predestination of all things and events (qadhaa), His decree (Qadar), His wisdom in His action and His will. We believe in Allah, we believe in qada' and qadar. What happens is all by his Will, and we are nothing to against His power. Accept it with full heart, redha dengan apa yang Dia dah takdirkan.


p/s : It's late, i should go to sleep! :)


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