I'm flawed.

I really like June. I mean it.

Because out of 12 months, June is like pertengahan, memang pertengahan pun kan?! And this is the only month where I get 30% discount at The Face Shop! Haha in case if you guys don't know, TFS will give you 30% discount on your birthday month. Siapa je tak nak lol but above all, yes yes, it's my birthday!

So on this 1st June, it was the starting of everything, more likely between me and Nadi. Yes Nadi, I'm writing about you hehe.

Before I start writing, deep inside, I'm really really sorry. I knew this happened because of me. Maybe we had a little bit of misunderstanding that make us feel this way, a very long silence between us. I'm sorry. I couldn't recall when was the last time I talked to you but I know it's been a long time. Like months. I can see you live your life well and I'm happy for you. But maybe this long silence make us feel so far away from each other, and awkward :/ I'm sorry, Nadi. Thank you for the birthday entry, wait for your turn okay!! I'll write more on your birthday nanti :D Okay ni je untuk kau :p

Often I think I'm such a burden to everyone.
I'm flawed, full of mistakes. I admit that. I always make things become complicated, I always push people away from me. Sometimes it's just me, who thinks bad about other people. Sometimes I got jealous with other people. Sometimes I feel annoyed with everyone I knew, without any solid reasons. That's me. Full of hatred. When someone claims me as a good person, I feel bad for making them feel that way. I'm no good, I always hurt people with my actions & words. Trust me, I've hurt people a lot. I don't want to hurt you with my words, I swear. But most of the time, my ego wins, my anger/hatred wins, all these devil side in myself wins. I can't even help myself, that's why I lose. And yup, overall, I'm such a loser.

But I'll try to fix myself. Eventhough I know it's hard to change what you've used to be :(

Sometimes I think, silence is better. Silence means you're not giving any shits to other people or it can be just because you're tired to hurt people or tired to get hurt. It's not like aku ni berkira ke apa dalam any relationship but sometimes penat jugak jadi orang yang kena initiate semua benda. And if we don't start it first, they don't start it first. And when we start it first, we get hurt because.......the other side macam takde effort. Penat tau. Macam kita je beria nak cakap dengan dia. And when we go away, pandai pulak carik. Everyone has their own limit, once we've reached our limit, that's what we call as tawar hati. Tasteless. And when we've reached this point, they get mad at us. Asking where did I go wrong questions LOL. It's funny.

Why,
Kenapa orang bila kita dah takde, baru nak hargai. Baru la nak rasa oh selama ni aku yang buat dia macam ni macam tu.
It's not a big deal aku rasa, if you love that person, semua benda kita sanggup buat. Kan? Even your smallest effort, matters. For this time being, since we're not working yet, time  and communication are very vital no matter what relationships you're in. More likely macam dalam friendship. Takkanla busy sangat sampai tak boleh nak luangkan masa sikit pun? Nak nak tengah cuti ni, bukan buat apa pun. Sometimes I think I care too much about others. Aku taknakla jadi orang yang salah sikit, ignore, menyepi berbulan-bulan, asking them to find out what they did wrong. it's not healthy, tak baik buat orang macam tu.

BUT STILL LA KITA PUN ADA FEELING GAK!

Till I asked myself, am I nothing to you? Maybe if I'm not here pun, you wouldn't care...kot? Maybe you just need me when you have no one around you. Macam tu ke? It hurts me sometimes.

Sakit woi.

Comments

Popular Posts