Working life is not as easy as what I always thought it was. I thought when we work on something, we get paid, we can enjoy our life just like we always dreamed for.
But I was wrong.
And I try to put myself in my parents' shoes. We have a quite big family and you know it costs money. Like, a lot of dollars and to earn money, there's no other way round, only by working. Doesn't matter what kind of profession you're working for, but of course money is the first priority when we decided to build a family.
Without money, you have nothing. You might say susah senang bersama, rezeki banyak lepas kahwin, but when you're not working, you have nothing. I tiba tiba rasa nak tulis pasal kahwin muda because one of my matricmate dah tunang! While me, weh aku baru ja gagal bercinta untuk kali yang keberapa tah! *gelak* *nangis*
I don't know la but love stuffs no longer attract my attention now. I'm more to friend kot sekarang. I hate it, I hate to give any commitment to anyone especially to someone yang kita baru je kenal, tetiba dia caring pasal kita, belanja itu ini, then bila dia cakap dia suka kita, kita pun kena suka dia balik. If not, kita ni dikira jahat la sebab reject orang. The thing that really matters now is, how our heart willing to accept that person, not for a short term, but till the end. I don't know which kind of ending but of course la, religiously, kita nak hidup dengan pasangan kita for both life ; dunia & akhirat. And one thing yang most of us (TERMASUKLA AKU!) selalu terlepas pandang is, do we really love? Or we just love the idea of love? Before this, I never understand what does it mean, apa maksud yang kita just love the idea of love sebab tu la at the end of the day, we get bored.
Inikan bila cerita pasal norma percintaan, you know that stuffs, kena wish morning, night, tanya dah makan ke belum, buat surprise, bagi ayat manis, nyanyikan lagu la itu la ini la otp sampai 2-3 jam la tah hape tah yang diboraknya. I think this is what we called as 'the idea of love'
That's why bila kita jumpa orang yang buat semua benda ni kat kita, kita rasa macam "ow...he's the one..." Padahal bila tanya diri kita balik, do we fall completely on that person? Or we just fall for the way he treat us? I can't answer this question, honestly. I was really unsure with my feeling, that's why I get bored and I left him. I know there will be no proper way to end a relationship, but at least I feel relief. At least, to myself, I'm not sure for himself. But I hope you're doing good.
I'm missing home badly, I want to end this month quickly and back to my old routine.